RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
