i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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