His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
