So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
