for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
