We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
