Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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