If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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