So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
