Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
