i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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