i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
