ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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