yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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