My liver just broke up with me...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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