I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
