dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
