I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
