Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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