I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
