i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
