Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
