Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
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At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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