I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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