I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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