i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
