I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
