shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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