all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
