remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
