apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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