i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
