Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
