DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Houston, we have a blender
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
