I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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