jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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