New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
