Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
