Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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