Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
