So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
