i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
