I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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