If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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