If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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