Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
