I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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