first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
