New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
