i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
