Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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