he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
