We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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