paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
