i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
