Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
