how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
