I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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