I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
