Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
