Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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