you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
