to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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