he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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