Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
