so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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