i just wanna soil my oats bro
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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