Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
