i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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