ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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