is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
