At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
