May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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