I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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