mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
