I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
