Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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