he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.