It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize