I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week