i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
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The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.