im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream