You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner