just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.