Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
