everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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